Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sk8ter4life23's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
5:42 pm	im fucked so i got kicked out of school today for 10 days. i also have a court on 10/12/06 and also on 11/15/06 and im being charged as an adult im fucked (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
11:18 pm	what ever i got grounded today for alcohol. but whatever i dont really care anymore. my dad can go fuck himself. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 7th, 2006
4:00 am	what a night.... soo all i do is drive her crazy, shes sick of my promises, i pull to many quilt trips, i insult her, what the fuck! and this whole time i thought our realtionship was going good... shows how much i know. i cant even notice that im making my girlfriend crazy. whats wrong with me? how can i be that knight in shiner armor that she talks about? or that perfect boy? when im driving her crazy and doing all those other things? it cant be good for her meantally now can it? no i didnt think so. so what do i do about all this? i cant just ignore it like she told me to.. she said what she said. she didnt just type she knew what she was saying and she meant it all i know she did. im stuck knowing that im doing this to her. i mean yes im going to work on all of these things. that i know im going to do. i feel like its a little late though.. that even if i do work on them that it wont make a difference that i've already messed things up to much to fix. i know that it's true to.i cant fix what i have done to her. i'll never be able to. no matter how hard i try. this is stuck with me. that since the day i met her i've been slowly driving her crazy.. GO ME!!!! the one person i love more than life it's self im hurting more than anyone. i mean i have to get a medal for that right? it will be called the -- jackass,careless,stupid idiot, dumbfuck award-- that sounds about right for me.. not to mention i ignore her politly, i dont hold her anymore.WOW after reading this threw i really am a fucking asshole.. what does she see in me anyway? threw all those bad things? there cant be to much good in there. i mean all i do is fight with her now or over-react on everything. i know its all true thats the sad part. everything that is written on here is all true. doesnt matter what anyone says. i know it is. she deserves better than this doesnt she? she deserves better than someone that is driving her crazy and always fighting with her. maybe someone who really listens to her, doesnt over-react, doesnt fight with her, someone who doesnt drive her crazy, a real knight in shining armor, that perfect someone, thats what she deserves. she's beautiful, smart, nice, funny, she has one of the best personality's i have ever seen, she's caring, she listen's, she helps you out when you need it, she's real she doesnt have to put on a act, she's up to learn new things, she has something to say she says it, she wants to do something she does it, her style is amazing, she dosesnt let people hold her back, she actually has plans for her future, she's going places in life. name another girl like that? you cant she's one of a kind. no one is like her or ever will be like her. that's what i love her about. after writing all of this i've realized i have something magical in my life. and the way i treat it it's not going to stick around for much longer. she'll find someone better. i dont want that. i want to give her the world i want her to have to real me. not who i am now. i wouldnt even want to be with me. i've said sorry to many times. i think i used that word up.. and i dont want to say sorry as if im trying to give an excuse. i want to prove that im going to change and treat her right. im sick of just saying it. it's time for action before i lose the best thing that's ever happend to me. i just hope i havnt already lost it. that we can make it work i know that we can. because i believe in us. and i dont have to many positive thoughts and you know that. i'm not losing you i wont allow it. i love you to much to just let you slip away. i love you that's all there is to it. end of story. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
10:03 pm	my thoughts I can’t control my thoughts. It’s gotten to the point where I hear distinct voices in my head, telling me what an awful job I’m doing. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
10:36 pm	hated You never know just how much you're hated until you try to talk to the people you have spent thirteen years of your life with and they ignore you, shrug you off, talk about you in front of you. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
8:46 pm	lies I want to turn back time to Spring Break '05. That's when my troubles started. I wouldn't be into hard drugs and I wouldn't be a suspect in a crime. I've been dishonest for so long that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to outlive the lies. There are so many layers of shit at this point that I'm considering running away from eveyone I know, showing up in another state and just starting my life over. If my friends and family knew what I was doing with my life, they would never speak to me again. And these aren't your everyday, run-of-the-mill lies. They have the potential to destroy every loving relationship I have. Some of them might put me in jail. One of them could cost me my life. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
10:12 pm	i've never told anybody "Were you ok today?" "Yea, sorry about that.. I was just thinking about a note I wrote you last night, but I didn't give it to you because I'm not sure you'd want it, and I'm not sure I'd want you to know." "What was it about? You can tell me anything... I love you.." "I know I can, but I'm not sure I want anyone to know.. it scares me when I think about it.." "Oh, well I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to.. Just know I'm here for you... and I truely love you.." "I love you too.." I don't want her to be scared of me, but after that I know she'll ALWAYS be there for me. I'm going to tell her what I've never told anyone (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
10:16 pm	love i wish i could show you who i really am without being scared. i wish you were as crazy about me as i am about you. i wish i were a more intersting person. all i want is real, pure, heart-felt, fairy tail, hold me when i cry, call me just because, kiss me in the rain, tell me im handsome even when i look like shit, LOVE. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
9:29 pm	i wish i had the guts Sometimes I sit up late at night in my bed and take hold of the blade and just press it against my wrist hard enough to make a mark but light enough not to break the skin. I wish I had the guts to slice. (Comment on this)
9:23 pm	fuck FUCK. i want to write . and say everything i feel, i want to cry and get it out and over with. i feel so fucking empty and lost . i can't eat , i can't sleep.. im dwelling on disgust .. i have to let it out. i will break down,sooner or later. the truth came out ... its the best for me ! but fuck... its fucked up... but i have been really fucking strong,calm and holding everything in. even though i'm lost and out o f it hurt and could punch a house down. and i'll be fine. i feel alright . i got people who were there for me and i thanked god for that. (Comment on this)
9:19 pm	looked it up i just looked up ways to kill yourself... i dont think that i should have. (Comment on this)
12:42 pm	sick so today i felt like shit becuase of yesterday and not having enough to eat or drink but i got out of school early and kelsey came over with me!! i had so much fun with her. i love her so much and i cant wait to just move in with her this summer it will be perfect. so latly i have being a lot of thinking trying to figure things out and i find myself writing more poems than i normal do which isnt a bad thing because than i can express what i have to say a lot easier in poems than to people. i just wish i could share them to those people so they know what im going threw because i know that they dont understand what im really feeling when i just tell them. well thats it for now bye (4 Comments |Comment on this)
1:15 am	my day so my day wasnt that bad i guess.. i got my internet back from the storm and i gave blood today which was cool although i have to wait another 8 weeks before i can give it again. i have a lot on my mind right now and have been doing some heavy thinking latly but other than that i guess my life is ok right now.: [ but thats it for now i will write more later bye (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 12th, 2006
12:48 am	my day. so today was an ok day.. i had school than went to kelseys house. although she feel asleep its ok. if your tired your tired nothin you can do about it. but it gave me time to think and i went for a nice walk by myself although it was cold it was still nice. than i had to go home.. i hate leaving her but i will be moving in soon i hope. well thats it for now. peace (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
3:40 am	again so its now 11:46 and all im doing is upseting my gf just like i didnt want to do.... i told you all i was going to write a lot tonight. so i wrote a really depression poem tonight about ten minutes ago. i dont really know where it came from but i've never writing one like it before. it has more meaning and really shows what i've been thinking about latly. i would have to say its one of my best poems. i mean i have to fix it up and all but just out of the blue i was writing a poem i didnt even think about writing one i just was.. all i can say is this one isnt leaving my computer for a long time. i dont even want to read it again its just really depression. well thats it for now i'll write more later peace (Comment on this)
3:14 am	bad day so today hasnt been all that great.. i got into a big fight with my dad than everything happend with kelsey and me. i feel like shit now and because of all of this i wont get any sleep at all. i hate not being able to sleep when im like this because than i take everything out on everyone the next day when no one deserves it.. right now it is 11:22 and im wide awake so i may write a lot of entry's tonight. not that it really matters but it will give me something to do threw the night.. but thats it for now i'll wirte more later tonight (Comment on this)
Monday, May 8th, 2006
1:32 am	fun day so today kelsey came over and helped with the yard work it was fun although im sure she laughed at me alot while i was working. but than we got to just cuddle and kiss and it was great than i started singing to her which im pretty sure scared her half to death but it's ok cause i had fun doing it. than we went on a nice bike ride which i thought was pretty fun to be able to do that with her!! well that was my day (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
1:59 am	an awsome day so today i went to kelsey's house and got to make her breaksast although she didnt really let me make it cause i know that she thinks i suck.. : [ but its ok i guess cause i got to hold her and kiss her all day long and just spend time with her and talk which felt really good! although she did hit me a couple times today.. which kinda hurt and that is why i have a headache now... but its all good i guess. but thats it for now. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
3:06 am	today so today i left school early to go take care of my babe cause she was sick but once again i fucked that up by being an ass.... than i had to leave to go to work for 2 and it was a long day i was on my feet the whole time and didnt get out till round 10:30 and i had to deal with drunk people YIPPY fucking drunk rich people i think im gonna shoot them all so i dont have to deal with them ne more.. and than tomorrow i'm gonna go and make my babe breakfast than take her to parson beach for a little picnic!! i cant wait to spend time with her i just hope i dont fuck it up like i normaly do... but that is it for now cause im tired see ya (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
12:24 am	I HATE EVERYTHING i hate everything why is it that everything bad that happens has to happen to me?? what did i ever do to deserve shit like this? why is it that im just finding out about my parents now... and why they really split up im not a little boy they could have told me from the start... i hate life i dont even understand people ne more i hate my family, my friends from NH could give a shit about me, i dont have many here, and the one person that i trusted i have a hard time trusting anymore... i need to just get away for a while and sort things out in my life.. (Comment on this)